My Weight

My Weight! There, I said it. The words we only use when we are discussing a new diet or exercise program. Really, truth be told, we don't want to talk about it, much less think about it. So most of the time we stay stuck. Stuck going around the Madison Avenue mountain, which makes it appear everyone in the world wears a size two, maybe a size four. Or we are stuck thinking we are ugly because of some pounds. We can be stuck, when we listen to the world tell us the number on the scale is who we are. We can be stuck in what our Mom passes down to us, which was the beginning for me.

When my Mom got married she weighed ninety eight pounds. But after several years of marriage, childbirth, becoming a caregiver for a father in law, running a business and raising a stubborn child, she gained a bunch of weight. Stress and being overwhelmed were contributing factors in her weight gain. I know, I've been there. Her preoccupation with getting back to the elusive ninety eight pounds kept her stuck. In the 1950s diet pills came out. She quickly jumped on that band wagon. Little did she know in chasing her perfect weight dream she was setting herself up for a roller coaster ride that lasted ten years or more. You know, the pills packed with so much energy. The ones who took away your desire for food. But when you take an upper, which is what they were, you have to come down some time.When you can't sleep because you are so hyped up, the doctor gives you a downer, sleeping pill or tranquilizer. So the vicious cycle begins. What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. The different result she got was a heart attack. She never got back to the ninety eight pounds, but she was still preoccupied with her weight. Not only hers but mine as well.

This is the part where she passes the weight conscious baton to me and I took it because I thought that is what you do. You worry and obsess about your weight. You look at your waist, your behind, your face. When you talk about the weight you have gained or the weight you want to loose, other people are more than happy to help you with it. You have heard them.

I have someone I don't see very often whose second or third comment to me is: "Have you lost weight? This always leads into their weight battle. Which goes something like this: " I have gained so much weight lately, I have got to loose it. I don't know what I am going to do. All my pants are too tight. I just can't exercise. I am too tired." The next thing you know they are throwing the food in like there is no tomorrow. I've done it. I've let people help me with it too.

I've done it because I ate when I was not physically hungry, but emotionally hungry. I was bored, tired, angry, worried, fearful, lonely, frustrated, feeling sorry for myself and I needed Jesus to help me but I choose food instead. The diagnosis is a hungry heart. Women need a lot of emotional encouragement and support. When we don't go to Jesus to get it and try to get it from food, we gain weight. When we don't feel loved and cherished, we often choose food to comfort us.

Choosing food instead of Jesus to fill my hungry heart is a battle for me because I have done the food thing for such a long time. It started out as a bad habit but it turned into a way of life. So what do we do? The answer is always Jesus. It always has been and it always will be. We need to start by applying His grace to our self. We need to admit where we are so we can move on to where we want to be. We need to confess our sin. It is sin, at least it was for me. Food was an idol. I bowed down to it. I asked it to fill me up, make me feel better, help me cope and it was on always on my mind. Sounds to me a lot like food was in Gods proper position, on the throne of my life.

Understand I don't have all the answers. What I am trying to do may not work for you. When I get hungry, I have to ask myself is it my stomach that is empty or my heart? If it is my stomach I eat some food. If it is my heart I get Jesus. I apply His grace. 

I have read the book "Made to Crave". This helped me see truth. I did a Bible study " The Abundant Feast". Maybe these will be resources which will help you.

Remember this truth: You are not the number on the scale. That number is just a number not your true identity. Your identity is in Jesus Christ alone.  Put some grace on today!

Procrastination

Procrastination, shall we put off talking about this today? That is funny, but it is the best definition of procrastination. Putting it off, what ever your it is. We put off doing things for several reasons. One, we may not know how to do it. Two, we may be afraid we will fail. Three, we really just don't want to do it, even though we know we should. Four, someone has told us we need to do it and we rebel. I am sure there are other reasons depending on the situation.

You know some of the situations. One of the most important ones, we put off is asking Jesus to be our Savior, getting right with God. We think we will live forever or at least we won't die today. We think we can always do that. Besides, I have a whole lot of living to do and fun to have. Everybody knows God is not into "fun". He only wants you to live in a monastery, pray and read the bible all day long. Doesn't He? NO, He doesn't.

What God wants is for you to have real life. The life, only He can give to you, not the empty, lonely, futile one you may be in right now. I know about that one. The life full of striving, drinking, carousing and following every whim you think or feel. The life full of depression and hopelessness.  All that so called "fun", I thought I was having was killing me. But God, ( two of may favorite words in the bible) didn't want me to procrastinate any more. So He called me. He wooed me. He let me run out of excuses. Then He showed up and I stopped lying to myself that I had plenty of time, to get right with Him later. I knew He was right. In fact, He has always been right about everything.

Those reasons I had for procrastinating: I don't know how to do it, I am afraid I will fail, I know I should but I just don't want to and I am rebelling against what I am being told to do. They all seemed pretty lame in the face of God, who gives me my very breath. So He promised to give me wisdom, courage, power and to forgive my rebellion. And He did.

Why, I put off so long doing the best thing I could ever do for myself seems so silly now that I have done it. The principle of "Just do it" eliminates my procrastination. Just do it afraid, He will give you courage. Just do it, He will show you how. Just do it, He will give you power. Just do it, He will forgive you. Just do it today, not later or tomorrow. Don't be stuck here any more. Just do it, apply His grace to your procrastination.               

Ungrateful

To type this on the very day we celebrate"Thanksgiving" seems sad to me. This sadness is because there is so much to be grateful for. A lot of times we just take all of the blessings, people and stuff we have for granted. This is the place where it starts. We have grown accustomed to our life the way it is. So often the only time we wake up is when suddenly something changes. Our eyes are wide open to the reality of what we had, how good is really was. The scales have fallen from our eyes. After the initial shock wears down, we may ask our self over and over, why we didn't appreciate everything? You know as well as I do, how we always think things can be better. But we never consider for a moment that they could be so much worse. That is, until it happens to us. What a down right shame things have to change for us to wake up and be grateful for how it is right now. Today, not later or whenever things are the way we want them to be.

Today, Thanksgiving Day 2013, I want to encourage you to count your blessings. Yeah, just like the songs says," name them one by one". Don't do it just today! Do it everyday from now on. This one little habit can change your life. It can move it from, taken for granted to grateful for everything. God uses grateful hearts to change His world. He uses a grateful heart to make life better, for you and for others. Today, choose to be grateful by applying His grace to all.

Happy Thanksgiving Life to You!!!          

Self Pity

Not a very appealing topic,is it? You would think nobody would wade into this pond, but many do and they get stuck.

Stuck, feeling sorry for themselves and their situation. Feelings of pity flow like Niagara Falls. Some times the tears come so fast and hard, we think we will drown. But we don't. We live another day. We go through our routines moping and dragging around like it's all over. But it is not. We just can not stop feeling so sorry for our self. After all why me? What did I do to deserve this? Look, everybody else is living a great life. They all have what they want. They don't have any problems and even if they do, I really don't care because my life is in the tubes.

Ever been there? Are you living there now? Are you planning on returning if you get out? Most people experience some self pity in life. But some people get there, take out their tent and set up camp. They bring plenty of provisions with them. Anger, bitterness, resentment, envy, jealousy and unforgiveness just to name a few. Yeah, they build a fire and pull out some resentment. They roast whoever or whatever has them down. Their thoughts run all over it, making sure they feel so bad about it they can hardly breathe. Then they stoke up the camp fire when it starts to die down with some of that jealousy and a splash of envy. You know, the part where they don't deserve what they have. I need it. But life has passed by me and rolled over to them all the good stuff.

Let me just say, this is NOT the plan of God for your life or mine! This is a trap of the devil. He wants you to look inward, instead of upward to the God of glory. He wants you to be miserable. He wants you to think God loves and gives to everybody but you. He wants you to think, they are special, more important than you are.  Listen to me! These are bald face, big time lies from the father of lies, the devil. They are not from God. We have been listening to the wrong person. God is the truth teller. You must realize what has happen and run away from the lies, straight to your heavenly Father for a dose of truth.

The truth is what releases us, so we can break camp and move out. The truth of God applied with His grace. After all, that is what it's there for. It works every time. God does not feel sorry for us. He has blessed us and He has plans for you and me. So what are you going to do today? Be pitiful or powerful in God?  His Grace Applied, no longer stuck.    

Bitterness

Bitterness, even typing the word, makes my heart so very sad. I have spend time in this prison. I sentenced myself though unforgiveness. I was so mad. Mad at everybody, my life, myself and even God. That really looks bad on paper, but it is time for the truth. The truth, which I hope will help other people see something that just might ring a bell with them. You all know how easy it is to see other people and their issues, but we are blind as a bat to our own. So, on with the story.

I was really blind, naive, ignorant, stubborn and so full of myself it is a wonder I functioned at all. Now understand, I am not bragging or complaining, just getting real. The truth hurts. Whether you figure it out, someone tells you or God in His mercy reveals it to you. I've had some of it all. But the bitterness that racked my soul and spirit for the better part of twenty years was a weapon in the hand of the devil. It kept me from the abundant life Jesus died to give me. It kept joy and peace at bay.The only thing bitterness brought with it was misery, depression, hopeless and discouragement.

Little did I know, all I had to do was forgive. Forgive others, myself and the part I thought God had played in all of it. I was just too mad to forgive. I just wanted things my way because I knew what needed to happen. I knew how people should act. I knew how the world ought to run.The truth is: I knew nothing. The longer it went on, the more time I spent rehashing it, rethinking it, telling myself over and over how it should be, the worse it got. I would not let it go. It consumed me. If I saw the person involved or was reminded of the situation, it started all over again. THIS IS BITTERNESS.

The cure for bitterness is FORGIVENESS. That is the way of escape. It sounds so easy, but it is hard when you haven't done it. It is that same forgiveness Jesus has given to us. When He was hanging on the cross He said: "Father, forgive them, for the do not know what they do." Neither do we.We don't know what we have done to others and they don't know what they have done to us. So Gods great solution is just haul off and forgive everybody for everything and be done with it. You are off the hook. Others are off your hook and best of all you are finally free. The freedom, only Jesus, can give you. It's all wrapped up nice and neat in His grace. Why not apply His grace today? What is stopping you? You need it. I need it. Everybody in the world needs it.               

I'll Fix it.

I have to fix it. I think this is a gene or cell I was born with. Maybe you can relate. When I was growing up, I fixed mud pies in coke caps and baked them in the sun on a rock. Growing up as an only child, I fixed my feelings of loneliness with Hershey's chocolate bars and those little bottles of coke which were to available. My teenage years well, I fixed them with cute clothes and not so cute boys. Everything I did seemed for the moment, to fix whatever I was feeling or going through. But wait a minute, I was headed for the finale. A better word would be disaster.

When were are little girls we read all the stories of happily ever after. But what about reality? When all you have thought about growing up was marrying someone who would love you forever and ever. You tend to be looking for that in every man who walks down the street. So for me it was someone who saw my eighteen year old venerability and jumped on it. He was ten years older than me, been married before and he was a swoozer, a taker, a silver tongued devil. But more than that he was an abuser. He raged, hit me and said ugly things which sometimes were worse than the slaps or fists. For you who have never been abused, it is hard to understand why I stayed six years. Why I took it from him? Why I just did not leave? Well, here is the answer to those questions. In my little immature mind and heart, I loved him. Actually, I loved the idea of being married. I was not alone physically but emotionally I was all by myself. Eventually, I ran of any reason, hope or guts to stay. But not without spending most of that six years trying to fix him. He was harder than any mud pie I ever mixed up and more bitter than any chocolate bar or coke I tasted.

So I fixed what I thought was the problem. I got a divorce. But with two little girls, no child or emotional support, lonely and hurting, I fixed what I could. I fixed the Barbie doll leg which had come off. I fixed the tangled the necklace. I even fixed the ugliness of people who looked down on me because I was divorced and my children whose dad was not present. I fixed it with plastic money because there was no real money I told myself at the end of the month when the bill came: "It's okay. We are okay. Look I fixed it." The only thing was, $80,000 later, we were still hurting and broken. But I was determined to fix it.

This is just the tip of the ice burg. I hope you can see how I was stuck in trying to fix it. It has taken many, many years to realize only Jesus can fix it. He is the fix. I wish I had know that sooner. I wish I could have understood the grace, mercy and love of God. But then I could not testify to you about it. Maybe this will help someone today to see how deceived we can become to think we can fix things which belong to God. Please, apply His grace today. Don't wait, telling yourself you can fix it. It is grace, Gods grace applied to the person, place or the emergency. After all, it's not mud pies or missing Barbie doll legs, it's the life God has given to you, His grace applied.            

Confusion or Chaos

It doesn't seem possible anyone would be stuck in confusion or chaos. But it happens. It happens to Christians and non Christians alike. Just like all the others tactics of the enemy,it sneaks up on us because if we recognized it for what it was, we would not partake of it. Believe me. It is always present. You will see as we talk about it.

Here is how I have seen it manifested. You start out your life very well. Then something happens to you that was unplanned. So what do you do? You try to handle it on your own. You ask one or many for their help. You tell everyone what has happened to you. What do they think about it? What would they do? More than likely you do not ask the Lord what he thinks about it or what He is trying to do in and through you. So what do you have? A lot of opinions, a lot of other people's perceptions, prejudges, a lot of other people who don't know every detail of what is going on, trying to tell you what to do. In a nut shell, you have confusion. Because now you have way too many things to consider. You roll them over and over in your mind, night and day. It is all you can think about. The more you try to figure out what to do the worse it gets. You have no peace. Your joy is non existent. Worry has become your constant companion. You are so confused you don't know which way is up.

The way, the answer to confusion is up. He is seated on the throne of heaven with all the answers. His word tells us in 1 Cor. 14:33: "For God is not the author of confusion,but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints." So if God is not into confusion, who is? The devil! It is a scheme. A wile of the devil to trap you, to draw you away from God and into yourself. You are doing life alone.

When we start this pattern of dealing with problems or issues, I believe it moves into another realm, chaos. It becomes a way of life. We focus more on our problems than the Answer, Jesus. When we practice the presence of our problems instead of the presence of the Lord, we get stuck. We don't see clearly. It becomes a vicious cycle. The problems just keep coming because our mind is stuck in them. With problems on your mind, they are going to be in your mouth. You think about them, you talk about them. You think about them some more, so you simply must talk about them some more. You get the picture, don't you?  Stuck. Just plain old stuck. Been there, done that and got way too many tee shirts.

But there is a way out! Apply His grace! Confess what has gone on and ask the Lord to forgive you for not trusting Him. The next thing to do is to forgive yourself. The most important thing to do is to stop thinking about it and talking about it. If you want something to die you have to stop feeding it. Thinking about it and talking about it are the food you are feeding the confusion and chaos.

You may say: "I can't stop, what will I do? or I don't know how to stop." Yes, you can stop. You did not get stuck overnight, so you won't get unstuck overnight. You must practice, practice, practice. Practice the presence of God instead of your problems. Set your mind on Him. Let go of all of it! God will help you if you ask Him. That is what He does. Apply His grace today, all day long. It works.