My Weight

My Weight! There, I said it. The words we only use when we are discussing a new diet or exercise program. Really, truth be told, we don't want to talk about it, much less think about it. So most of the time we stay stuck. Stuck going around the Madison Avenue mountain, which makes it appear everyone in the world wears a size two, maybe a size four. Or we are stuck thinking we are ugly because of some pounds. We can be stuck, when we listen to the world tell us the number on the scale is who we are. We can be stuck in what our Mom passes down to us, which was the beginning for me.

When my Mom got married she weighed ninety eight pounds. But after several years of marriage, childbirth, becoming a caregiver for a father in law, running a business and raising a stubborn child, she gained a bunch of weight. Stress and being overwhelmed were contributing factors in her weight gain. I know, I've been there. Her preoccupation with getting back to the elusive ninety eight pounds kept her stuck. In the 1950s diet pills came out. She quickly jumped on that band wagon. Little did she know in chasing her perfect weight dream she was setting herself up for a roller coaster ride that lasted ten years or more. You know, the pills packed with so much energy. The ones who took away your desire for food. But when you take an upper, which is what they were, you have to come down some time.When you can't sleep because you are so hyped up, the doctor gives you a downer, sleeping pill or tranquilizer. So the vicious cycle begins. What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. The different result she got was a heart attack. She never got back to the ninety eight pounds, but she was still preoccupied with her weight. Not only hers but mine as well.

This is the part where she passes the weight conscious baton to me and I took it because I thought that is what you do. You worry and obsess about your weight. You look at your waist, your behind, your face. When you talk about the weight you have gained or the weight you want to loose, other people are more than happy to help you with it. You have heard them.

I have someone I don't see very often whose second or third comment to me is: "Have you lost weight? This always leads into their weight battle. Which goes something like this: " I have gained so much weight lately, I have got to loose it. I don't know what I am going to do. All my pants are too tight. I just can't exercise. I am too tired." The next thing you know they are throwing the food in like there is no tomorrow. I've done it. I've let people help me with it too.

I've done it because I ate when I was not physically hungry, but emotionally hungry. I was bored, tired, angry, worried, fearful, lonely, frustrated, feeling sorry for myself and I needed Jesus to help me but I choose food instead. The diagnosis is a hungry heart. Women need a lot of emotional encouragement and support. When we don't go to Jesus to get it and try to get it from food, we gain weight. When we don't feel loved and cherished, we often choose food to comfort us.

Choosing food instead of Jesus to fill my hungry heart is a battle for me because I have done the food thing for such a long time. It started out as a bad habit but it turned into a way of life. So what do we do? The answer is always Jesus. It always has been and it always will be. We need to start by applying His grace to our self. We need to admit where we are so we can move on to where we want to be. We need to confess our sin. It is sin, at least it was for me. Food was an idol. I bowed down to it. I asked it to fill me up, make me feel better, help me cope and it was on always on my mind. Sounds to me a lot like food was in Gods proper position, on the throne of my life.

Understand I don't have all the answers. What I am trying to do may not work for you. When I get hungry, I have to ask myself is it my stomach that is empty or my heart? If it is my stomach I eat some food. If it is my heart I get Jesus. I apply His grace. 

I have read the book "Made to Crave". This helped me see truth. I did a Bible study " The Abundant Feast". Maybe these will be resources which will help you.

Remember this truth: You are not the number on the scale. That number is just a number not your true identity. Your identity is in Jesus Christ alone.  Put some grace on today!